The following is a list of things that I could do without, this week:
1. Ink Mouth - Look. Generally I love my Pilot Pens. Pilot Pens are the only pens I use. I draw my crazy artwork with them. I write and rewrite notes with them. I have shown so much love to these pens, that I did not understand why one of them decided to fight me back during the middle of an important meeting this week. Why did this pen choose to start leaking from the top while I had it in my mouth? Why did this happen in front of my boss and my client? My boss who only comes into town once a month, and my client who is a natural skeptic of everything... Bam. Black ink. On. Your. Mouth. Ugh, Pilot Pens. Thanks for making me look like one of the chicks from The Craft. You owe me.
2. "Not to be a jerk but...." What is the point of starting a sentence with this phrase, and then immediately saying something jerk-like, jerk-ish, jerk-y? JERK.
3. The smell coming from my dog. So I'm trying to find the least vulgar way to say this. I feed my dog the same food, every day. I feed her the same amount of food, every day. Why then, today, does she smell like something has infected her bowels? One can only hope that it's because she ate the neighbors' cat.
4. The sinus headache I had on Tuesday. I felt like someone hit me in the face with a shovel. Pleasant.
5. Cottonwood trees - If you're not blessed enough to live in an area with these trees (planted by Satan himself), let me give you an idea of what they're like. Generally, they're beautiful. Tall, strong trees. They tend to be close to the river (the Rio Grande, in my case). They're rightfully named the Cottonwood because they produce TUFTS OF COTTON. This is where my love affair with Cottonwoods ends. New Mexico is plagued with extreme winds during Spring. Wind + Cotton = MISERY. These cotton balls FLY through the air, and wage war on your nostrils. These cotton balls trick your eyeballs into thinking it is SNOWING. When the winds kick up, they twirl around in little cotton tornadoes. When you're sitting at a cafe on the patio, they jump and flip and whirl into your food. Currently, the cotton has settled in the little alcove to my front door. Part of me wants to kick them, and the other part wants to knit a disgusting cottonwood blanket to smother the people who start sentences with, "Not to be a jerk but...."
6. The growly chick from American Idol. Hayley. Haley. Hailey. Whatever spelling she uses. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE THE BLUES. Blues and R&B are two of my absolute favorite genres of music. But, last I checked, annoying growling does not fall into either category. No matter what anyone says, she absolutely BUTCHERED Adele's "Rolling in the Deep." I cannot forgive her for that. Please go home. Immediately. Do not pass go or collect $200. Send Pia back. Thanks in advance, Growly McGrowlerson.
Aside from those 6, it's been a good week. How you doin'?