Urgent Care, Birthday Parties and Candlesticks...

OH MY.

Well, my dear readers... the last week has been a crazy one. I apologize for my lack of posts. I have a small project to show you, and some stories to tell.

"We are unattractive, oui?"

I'll start off with the candlesticks, I suppose. While on a search for furniture at thrift stores, I decided to visit the Animal Humane Thrift Store. Not only do I love good prices, and finding little treasures, but I'm a huge nonprofit fan. I like knowing that my money is going to a good cause. I adopted my little beasty, Bailey, from a similar place. I bought a couple things.... a frame or two, because I can't help myself, a cute (actually, it was really ugly before I painted it) wall hook and a pair of ugly, dark wood candlesticks. I had a plan to make these candlesticks worthy of Lumiere's attention, feather dusters be damned. Honestly, these sat in the garage for a long time. I go through phases of wanting to do things, and not wanting to do anything at all. I decided not to prime them, because I wanted to make them look very aged. I had a little bit of Rustoleum Heirloom White leftover from El Table de Chevron. I gave them a couple of coats, since I wanted to make that ugly brown wood disappear. I gave them both a good sand down, considered glazing them, but didn't.  I think they turned out beachy and cute. A nice, little addition to our new dining room table. Don't you think? I bought the two blue printed damask candles from The Shabby Chic Cottage. Love them. They're a bit too small, so they look a little wonky, but I'm considering using the hot glue gun to get them to stand upright. That's how I roll. You look at me crooked, I hot glue you. Mess with me, I dare you.

Lumiere would totally have a creepy French affair with these babes.

As for the birthday party story... don't worry, you didn't miss out on telling me Happy Birthday.... Mine was in April. Wait, so maybe you did miss out. JERKS!

My friend from Up with People, Anthony, had his birthday last week, and I offered up my house as a location. I think I feel obligated to open up my home at all times, because I spent so many nights in host families homes. His mom bought pizza, cake and ice cream, and he invited about 10 or 15 of his friends and coworkers. Good times. Any night that involves pizza and the book, All My Friends Are Dead, is a good night. If you haven't seen this book before, and you enjoy my sense of humor, you will love this book. I think it's absolutely hilarious. If you have no sense of humor at all, you might think this book is depressing and morbid. You would be so wrong. HI-LARIOUS. I want to hug the people who wrote and illustrated this book.

So the Urgent Care story is nowhere near as interesting as I wanted it to be. The last time I went to the Emergency Room with my grandmother, it was amazing. I'm talking crazy people and yelling. In fact, a man who was VERY drunk decided it was a good time to run around outside while stripping naked. He got entirely naked before the police arrived. My grandmother was completely entertained, as was I. Unfortunately, this trip to Urgent Care was not even close to that awesome. I woke up with stabbing pains in my ear, throat and where my wisdom tooth used to be, all on the left side of my face. I've been having what I figured was really bad allergies for a while now... apparently, it was more serious. I went online, as I have a new insurance provider, to find an Urgent Care. I drove across town, and picked up my grandmother on the way. (She insists on going to the doctor with me, just like I insist on going with her)...I walked in to find that even though the website had it listed, and it still had signs throughout the hallways, there was no Urgent Care. I used my handy dandy iPhone (aka the love of my life) to find another location. I had to call two before I found one that was open on the weekend. Drove BACK across town, it was, literally, two minutes or less from my home.... le sigh. Waited for three hours, while my grandmother and I got to watch the ENTIRE movie, 102 Dalmations AND some college gymnastics. Her commentary included judgments about two different mothers in the room, and how they treated their children. Mine included winces of pain, groans, comments about Glenn Close being in Up with People, and cries of horror when I realized that all the gymnasts were covered in dancer makeup and glitter. All I know is that my gymnastics coaches would have smacked me upside the head for that. When did gymnasts start looking like pageant toddlers? Turns out, I've got a sinus infection, which pretty much feels like I'm being punched in the face 90% of the time. Pleasant. The doctor wasn't sure during the five minutes he actually saw me, which sort of "cillin" to give me. I'm fairly certain I changed his mind to Amoxicillin. He also prescribed me some sort of nasal spray, which I find horrible. I can barely swim underwater without plugging my nose. This spray feels like Old Faithful erupting up my nostrils. Whatever. I just want this sinus business DONE with. 

I still have the tables I bought sitting in the garage looking like a drippy mess, and I hope to get to those soon. When I have the energy to get nuts on those tables, you, my friends, will know. 

<3 Liz

The things I could do without this week.....

The following is a list of things that I could do without, this week:

1. Ink Mouth - Look. Generally I love my Pilot Pens. Pilot Pens are the only pens I use. I draw my crazy artwork with them. I write and rewrite notes with them. I have shown so much love to these pens, that I did not understand why one of them decided to fight me back during the middle of an important meeting this week. Why did this pen choose to start leaking from the top while I had it in my mouth? Why did this happen in front of my boss and my client? My boss who only comes into town once a month, and my client who is a natural skeptic of everything... Bam. Black ink. On. Your. Mouth. Ugh, Pilot Pens. Thanks for making me look like one of the chicks from The Craft. You owe me.

2. "Not to be a jerk but...." What is the point of starting a sentence with this phrase, and then immediately saying something jerk-like, jerk-ish, jerk-y? JERK.







3. The smell coming from my dog. So I'm trying to find the least vulgar way to say this. I feed my dog the same food, every day. I feed her the same amount of food, every day. Why then, today, does she smell like something has infected her bowels? One can only hope that it's because she ate the neighbors' cat.



4. The sinus headache I had on Tuesday. I felt like someone hit me in the face with a shovel. Pleasant.

5. Cottonwood trees - If you're not blessed enough to live in an area with these trees (planted by Satan himself), let me give you an idea of what they're like. Generally, they're beautiful. Tall, strong trees. They tend to be close to the river (the Rio Grande, in my case). They're rightfully named the Cottonwood because they produce TUFTS OF COTTON. This is where my love affair with Cottonwoods ends. New Mexico is plagued with extreme winds during Spring. Wind + Cotton = MISERY. These cotton balls FLY through the air, and wage war on your nostrils. These cotton balls trick your eyeballs into thinking it is SNOWING. When the winds kick up, they twirl around in little cotton tornadoes. When you're sitting at a cafe on the patio, they jump and flip and whirl into your food. Currently, the cotton has settled in the little alcove to my front door. Part of me wants to kick them, and the other part wants to knit a disgusting cottonwood blanket to smother the people who start sentences with, "Not to be a jerk but...."

6. The growly chick from American Idol. Hayley. Haley. Hailey. Whatever spelling she uses. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE THE BLUES. Blues and R&B are two of my absolute favorite genres of music. But, last I checked, annoying growling does not fall into either category.  No matter what anyone says, she absolutely BUTCHERED Adele's "Rolling in the Deep." I cannot forgive her for that. Please go home. Immediately. Do not pass go or collect $200. Send Pia back. Thanks in advance, Growly McGrowlerson.


Aside from those 6, it's been a good week. How you doin'?